Why is leveling parrying so hard…

Okay :) What you are going to read is purely for entertainment purposes. It might offend some people but like I said, its for entertainment purposes! You’ve been warned ^^; It doesn’t pop something up or have pictures, just the language used ^^; So yea.. work safe!

The best reason to level Parrying with Red Mage!

I’ve noticed a lot of complaints about the difficulty of leveling parrying lately on the forums, with regards to their low rate of skillups and proc rate! But what players are forgetting is the main reason Square made Parrying so hard! Parrying skill were not meant to be easy as obtaining merits.

Instead, parrying were designed to be leveled while downloading pornography. Red Mages with Staff have roughly zero amount of combat interactions, thus making them the perfect character to play while downloading massive amount of hardcore pornography. I mean what’s there to WS with zero staff skill? Simply Stoneskin Phalanx Taco up, engage a mob and minimize your window. Then sit back and enjoy amazing girl on girl action.

Because a Red Mage’s stoneskin takes about one full minute to get teared down, you can leisurely browse the erotic and pornographic fruits of the internet, without much concern over your Red Mage’s welfare. After a minute, I go back to FFXI, Phalanx Stoneskin, and Defender if you feel like to and you’re ready to get back to work! This is what makes parrying skillup so pleasurable and convenient for me; the ability to simultaneously watch girls have sex with each other and getting parrying skillup at the same time. I doubt any other jobs have such an elegantly designed system, and I applaud Square for their foresight in crafting a job that I can play with while playing with myself.

2boxing a WHM friend? Who needs it? The more I have to do, the less time I have to watch my boobies. Lack of combat interactivity? Overrated. I’d much rather interact with the girls writhing on my computer screen. Yes, a Red Mage was created for the sole purpose of surviving a fight while you stream hot porn directly to your computer. That is why we have the high enhancing skills, the second best in healing ability, the refresh, the convert, and the zero staff skill!

As for parties, nothing is better than getting into a group and soaking up experience points while I watch girls take their clothes off for money. Only the minimum of interaction is necessary for a Red Mage to perform, like refreshing the White Mage, and it is this very quality that I love most about Red Mage. I doubt thieves get any time to watch porn while trying to hide and do SATA WS, and I bet Bard haven’t seen a single naked breast while competing with the other parties for Exp mobs.

In addition to grinding, we have several defensive options during parrying skillup that also allow us flexibility to download porn. Paralyze II and Slow II significantly makes your Stoneskin last much longer while our enemy cannot even attack us. Sleep and Sleep II allows a leisurely 60-90 seconds of quality right-hand time. If you were too excited and is almost dying, no worries, Chainspell is there to save the day! Indeed, Red Mage has cornered the market on the pornography during playing of Final Fantasy XI gameplay.

It saddens me that many Red Mage do not take advantage of the main functionality of their characters, and are in fact lobbying for increased DD spells or more powerful debuffs, unnecessary frivolities that would only harm our pornography downloading efficiency. Instead, we should thank the fine programmers at Square for crafting a character that is great to grind parrying with while grinding your loins.

October 15, 2007

The original idea from a WoW post: Why you should level Paladin. I simply made a FFXI version of it!

8 Responses to “Why is leveling parrying so hard…”

  1. Speck (Avatarati) says:


  2. Maiev says:

    I’m not that hardcore xD to those who actually finish reading this :)) I actually had to ask my LS ppl a lot of those words ^^

  3. Enedin says:

    Lol. Really should try that one day, see how long I survive. I guess RDMs who ‘come early’ die less, but have less skill ups. IT4S ALL ABOUT BALANCE BABY

  4. Aramina says:


    I followed this threed looking for something about Parrying skillup, and end up reading about lesbians and Mai’s Staff Skill O.O

    Very funny, and will probably link this on my LS website because we have a Humor board and people always appreciate something new and funny to read.

    This even funnier than when a friend of mine lead a SAM on AF2 to Onzozo with a Level 2 mule and told him that he was really under a horrible curse and was dodging mobs on the way because they would “agro to low max HP.”

    Normally, I’m nice to little nooblets, but when someone has an advanced job high enough to be after AF2 and they are gullible enough to fall for a trick like that, they really need to consider leveling at least 10 more jobs up through the Dunes and Qufim and get some more experience.

    My friend said he figured the guy would call his bluff along the way somewhere, but it didn’t end until the SAM was dead and deleveled in Onzozo after charging into a room full of Goblins a la “Leroy Jenkins” and his pals.

    Anyhow, regarding parrying, other than being a Bard and it being more difficult to enjoy my porn while I do it (my RDM almost 37 now ^^ and I level it with the mostest RMT-like gear ever. I’m out to prove that skill > gear, even though skill + gear > skill or gear. that and my utter lack of storage space… give me RSE, a wand, and some cheap rings, I wore my signal and tactics pearls and CHR rings from my BST for last party, and they loved me!)

    Anyway, my other big problem skilling up parrying is that my Level has surpassed my skill by so much, that the mobs that I should target to level parrying can’t really hit me, so there’s nothing to parry, since from what I can see, misses come before parrying comes into play.

    I setup BRD/NIN with parrying torque, 2x parrying knives, or parrying knife and dual rapier, and demon helm, and try to take on tougher mobs that can hit me at least. I usually use combination of AGI Etude with either Mambo or Paeon playing to keep myself alive.

    Still, even with all of the added parrying skill, I don’t get many skillups on mobs like Robber Crabs, and there aren’t a lot of mandies that are the right level. I tried Alruane with no gear except the knives and scorp harness, because their level should have been just about right for the skillup “happy zone” for my parrying, but I was still tearing them to pieces and taking like no damage.

    Any suggestions?

  5. Etain says:

    Wow that forum post is of epic proportions. I am suddenly saddened I can no longer read the official forums here at work (they blocked ’em *sadface*).

  6. Kimiko says:

    AFK, watching pr0n. =)

  7. thermistocles says:

    Wow this is probably the funniest thing i read in long time. everyone at work was like what so funny i was almost in tears good stuff


  1. […] Remember! Parrying was never meant to be easy! […]

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