Okay :) What you are going to read is purely for entertainment purposes. It might offend some people but like I said, its for entertainment purposes! You’ve been warned ^^; It doesn’t pop something up or have pictures, just the language used ^^; So yea.. work safe!
The best reason to level Parrying with Red Mage!
I’ve noticed a lot of complaints about the difficulty of leveling parrying lately on the forums, with regards to their low rate of skillups and proc rate! But what players are forgetting is the main reason Square made Parrying so hard! Parrying skill were not meant to be easy as obtaining merits.
Instead, parrying were designed to be leveled while downloading pornography. Red Mages with Staff have roughly zero amount of combat interactions, thus making them the perfect character to play while downloading massive amount of hardcore pornography. I mean what’s there to WS with zero staff skill? Simply Stoneskin Phalanx Taco up, engage a mob and minimize your window. Then sit back and enjoy amazing girl on girl action.
Because a Red Mage’s stoneskin takes about one full minute to get teared down, you can leisurely browse the erotic and pornographic fruits of the internet, without much concern over your Red Mage’s welfare. After a minute, I go back to FFXI, Phalanx Stoneskin, and Defender if you feel like to and you’re ready to get back to work! This is what makes parrying skillup so pleasurable and convenient for me; the ability to simultaneously watch girls have sex with each other and getting parrying skillup at the same time. I doubt any other jobs have such an elegantly designed system, and I applaud Square for their foresight in crafting a job that I can play with while playing with myself.
2boxing a WHM friend? Who needs it? The more I have to do, the less time I have to watch my boobies. Lack of combat interactivity? Overrated. I’d much rather interact with the girls writhing on my computer screen. Yes, a Red Mage was created for the sole purpose of surviving a fight while you stream hot porn directly to your computer. That is why we have the high enhancing skills, the second best in healing ability, the refresh, the convert, and the zero staff skill!
As for parties, nothing is better than getting into a group and soaking up experience points while I watch girls take their clothes off for money. Only the minimum of interaction is necessary for a Red Mage to perform, like refreshing the White Mage, and it is this very quality that I love most about Red Mage. I doubt thieves get any time to watch porn while trying to hide and do SATA WS, and I bet Bard haven’t seen a single naked breast while competing with the other parties for Exp mobs.
In addition to grinding, we have several defensive options during parrying skillup that also allow us flexibility to download porn. Paralyze II and Slow II significantly makes your Stoneskin last much longer while our enemy cannot even attack us. Sleep and Sleep II allows a leisurely 60-90 seconds of quality right-hand time. If you were too excited and is almost dying, no worries, Chainspell is there to save the day! Indeed, Red Mage has cornered the market on the pornography during playing of Final Fantasy XI gameplay.
It saddens me that many Red Mage do not take advantage of the main functionality of their characters, and are in fact lobbying for increased DD spells or more powerful debuffs, unnecessary frivolities that would only harm our pornography downloading efficiency. Instead, we should thank the fine programmers at Square for crafting a character that is great to grind parrying with while grinding your loins.
October 15, 2007
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The original idea from a WoW post: Why you should level Paladin [1]. I simply made a FFXI version of it!
